I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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