Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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