No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize