I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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