I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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