She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
