A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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