can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
