Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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