i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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