So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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