She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
