Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
