I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
