ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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