He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
