A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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