the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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