you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
