yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
