you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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