I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
