I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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