My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
