When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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