Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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