Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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