i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Randomize
