Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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