Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
