Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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