Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
