Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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