Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
