at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
