I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
