Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
