How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
