so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
If I had your ass I would rule the world
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
