do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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