google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
