i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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