I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
