look no pants
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize