Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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