Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
