Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
