i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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