I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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