I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
