her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
