Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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