I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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