I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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