mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
