It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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