I swear she didn't look like that last week.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
