i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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