Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
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