When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
