____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
No more Irish car bombs ever.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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