She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
