i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
