I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
