Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
