I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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