Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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