Farmville is her only friend.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
