Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
