I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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