Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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