Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
