Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
